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Reframing Expectations for Autistic Folks - Unlearning Society's Narrow View of a Life Well Lived

Writer's picture: Caitlin HughesCaitlin Hughes

Updated: Jan 29

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Introduction


It is no secret that society has a tendency to place certain expectations on individuals based on their perceived abilities. This can be especially true for Autistic folks, who may face societal pressure to conform to neurotypical standards and behaviours. However, these narrow expectations can have detrimental effects on the mental health and wellbeing of Autistic folks (Raymaker et al., 2020). The constant pressure to fit in and meet societal standards can lead to feelings of inadequacy, low self esteem, and even depression or anxiety (Cooper et al., 2017). This can also result in the suppression of Autistic traits and behaviours, leading to a loss of self identity and authenticity (Cooper et al., 2021).


So, how can we move away from these narrow expectations and promote a more inclusive understanding of Autism?


The answer lies in reframing our perspectives and embracing Neurodiversity. Neurodiversity is the belief that neurological differences, such as Autism, are a natural and valuable part of human diversity. By accepting and celebrating Neurodiversity, we can create a more inclusive society that recognises the strengths and talents of Autistic folks rather than focusing on their perceived deficits. This mindset also allows for a shift in expectations, recognising that success and fulfilment look different for everyone. By reframing our expectations and embracing Neurodiversity, we can create space for Autistic folks to thrive in their own unique ways.



Expectations in Childhood and Adolescence


Autistic folks are often aware of societal expectations from a young age. Research has indicated that parents of Autistic children hold a variety of hopes for their futures, ranging from professional success to personal happiness (Chen et al., 2019). These expectations often centre around key areas:

  • Employment: Many parents wish for their children to find fulfilling jobs that match their skills and interests, helping them achieve financial independence and a sense of fulfilment.

  • Independent Living: There's a strong desire for these children to master life skills for self-care, household management, and utilising community support, aiming for a life of self-reliance.

  • Social Connections: Cultivating meaningful relationships and friendships is another common hope, as these interactions enrich emotional health and community belonging.

  • Educational Achievement: Parents often emphasise the importance of tailored educational paths that leverage the child's strengths, fostering academic and vocational skill sets for future career opportunities.

  • Overall Wellbeing: Above all, the safety and happiness of their children are paramount. Parents prioritise emotional and physical wellbeing, ensuring a life filled with joy and security.


Aligning these expectations with the unique needs and aspirations of each Autistic child is crucial. This approach supports their comprehensive growth and paves the way for a successful and fulfilling future.


The journey into higher education marks a crucial phase for Autistic students, with parents playing a significant role in shaping their experiences and growth. A key aspect of this transition is fostering autonomy and independence. It's common for parents of Autistic students to worry about their child's ability to be autonomous, which can impact the student's independence and create tension as they strive to balance societal expectations with embracing their Autistic identity (Van Hees et al., 2018).


The challenge of autonomy is further complicated by well meaning parental involvement. Parents might step in out of concern for their child's reliance on formal support or hesitation to share their Autism diagnosis. However, this can unintentionally obstruct the evolution of a mature relationship between them and their child.


Parents undeniably play a key role in the identity development of their Autistic child. A nurturing environment that supports autonomy can encourage essential developmental steps like exploration and commitment. Yet, disparities in expectations around autonomy can introduce tensions that hinder these processes.


Thus, striking a balance between offering support and promoting independence is vital. How parents navigate their expectations around autonomy, independence, and support profoundly influences how Autistic children face challenges, build self-esteem, and develop coping mechanisms as they transition into higher education (Van Hees et al., 2018). Achieving this balance is key to ensuring the wellbeing and success of Autistic students during this pivotal developmental stage, highlighting the importance of understanding, empathy, and support from their parents.


Gender Expectations


The diagnosis journey for Autistic women is deeply impacted by societal expectations, which affect their self compassion in complex ways. These pressures worsen the challenges Autistic women face after diagnosis, leading to negative thoughts, increased alienation, and poorer mental health (Wilson et al., 2023). The traditional views on femininity significantly affect Autistic women, creating unique challenges that stem from societal expectations and norms. According to Seers & Hogg (2021), these challenges arise as many Autistic women find it difficult to align with conventional feminine ideals, primarily due to differences in social communication and interaction.


One major challenge is conforming pressure where Autistic women may feel intense pressure to meet societal norms in behaviour and communication. This pressure can lead to heightened anxiety and stress as they strive to conform to expectations that do not align with their natural tendencies. Additionally, masking is common among Autistic women. Many engage in masking to hide autistic traits, aiming to appear more neurotypical. This effort to mask their true selves can be mentally exhausting and harmful in the long run.


Another issue is misunderstandings that arise from unique communication styles. Autistic women might be misunderstood by those around them, leading to conflicts and social rejection. Despite these challenges, there is a strong acceptance striving. There's a profound desire for acceptance and belonging, sometimes even at the cost of one’s authenticity. This desire can compel Autistic women to continuously attempt to fit into a mould that does not reflect their true selves. The self identity impact is significant as well. Struggling to match societal expectations with their true selves can lead to an identity crisis, affecting their mental health and self perception.


Expectations Outweigh Ability


The concept of "Expectations Outweigh Ability" underscores a vital aspect of Autistic burnout, pinpointing the negative effects of the misalignment between societal expectations and the abilities of Autistic individuals (Raymaker et al., 2020). This dissonance plays a crucial role in intensifying the challenges encountered by Autistic folks, significantly contributing to burnout.


Societal norms often set rigid expectations for behaviour, communication, and social interactions, without accommodating the diverse needs and characteristics of Autistic individuals. The pressure for Autistic individuals to adhere to neurotypical standards can lead to overwhelming stress and feelings of inadequacy. Meanwhile, Autistic people possess unique strengths and face specific challenges, but the societal push for conformity exacerbates the disconnect between expected behaviours and realistic achievements. This discrepancy can amplify stress, anxiety, and exhaustion, making it difficult for individuals to navigate environments that do not support their needs.


The crux of Autistic burnout arises when the demands placed on Autistic individuals surpass their capacity, leading to chronic stress, emotional exhaustion, and a profound sense of being overwhelmed. Without adequate support or understanding, the continuous effort to meet societal expectations can fuel the development and persistence of burnout.


Success


Society's often narrow definition of success frequently overlooks and excludes the rich diversity of opportunities for Autistic individuals to flourish in their own distinctive manners. This restrictive view can severely limit their potential, hindering them from fully exploring and pursuing their passions and interests. More critically, it can perpetuate and reinforce harmful stereotypes that unfairly portray Autistic individuals as incapable or as less valuable members of society, further marginalising them.


This situation underscores the urgent need to redefine what success means for Autistic folks. Success should not be measured solely by the ability to conform to mainstream societal expectations but should be deeply personal, centred around individual growth, happiness, and the fulfilment of one's own unique goals and desires.


Furthermore, embracing Neurodiversity and promoting acceptance and understanding are vital steps towards building a more inclusive society. By acknowledging and celebrating the diverse abilities and strengths of all individuals, including those who are Autistic, we pave the way for a community that values every member's contributions. This approach not only benefits Autistic individuals but enriches the societal fabric as a whole, fostering an environment where everyone can thrive.


Productivity


Productivity, traditionally defined as the ability to efficiently and effectively complete tasks and achieve goals, is often measured and valued through a neurotypical lens. This standardised approach can pose significant challenges for Autistic individuals, whose unique ways of processing information and completing tasks may not align with conventional expectations. The neurotypical paradigm of productivity, focusing on speed and multitasking, overlooks the diverse cognitive styles and strengths of Autistic people, such as deep focus and attention to detail.


Moreover, societal expectations of productivity often do not take into account the additional mental and emotional labour that Autistic individuals may face in trying to adapt to neurotypical norms, leading to increased instances of burnout, stress, and feelings of inadequacy (Cooper et al., 2017; Cooper et al., 2021; Raymaker et al., 2020). These challenges highlight the need for a broader, more inclusive definition of productivity—one that recognises and values the different methods of communication, learning, and problem-solving employed by Autistic individuals.


Redefining productivity to accommodate the diverse needs and strengths of Autistic individuals involves several key adjustments. First, it requires acknowledging that there are multiple ways to achieve goals and complete tasks, each as valid and effective as the next. It also entails providing appropriate accommodations and support, such as flexible work hours, quiet workspaces, or the use of technology, to help Autistic individuals manage sensory issues and social communication differences.


Promoting a flexible and inclusive understanding of productivity also means valuing different forms of contribution and success, going beyond traditional metrics like output volume or speed. By recognising the unique insights and innovations that Autistic people can bring to the table, we foster an environment where everyone's potential can be realised.


Embracing Neurodiversity in the workplace and advocating for a culture of inclusivity not only benefits Autistic individuals but also enriches organisations and society as a whole. Creating an environment where Autistic individuals can thrive involves recognising the barriers they face, valuing their unique perspectives, and implementing practical changes to support diverse ways of working.


By broadening our understanding and measurement of productivity to include Neurodiversity, we can create a more equitable and effective workplace where Autistic individuals can thrive and reach their unique potential. This shift towards inclusivity and diversity in how we view productivity and success is not only a moral imperative but also a strategic advantage in today’s diverse world.


Organisation


Being organised and managing tasks efficiently is often seen as a hallmark of productivity, but this definition can be limiting for Autistic individuals. The traditional approach to organisation focuses on multitasking, prioritising, and time management — which may be challenging for Autistic people due to differences in cognitive processing and executive functioning (Cooper et al., 2021). Moreover, the expectation to multitask and switch between tasks quickly can be overwhelming for Autistic individuals. This can lead to feelings of failure or underperformance, perpetuating the cycle of stress and anxiety (Cooper et al., 2017).


To promote a more inclusive understanding of organisation, it is vital to recognise and accommodate the diverse needs and strengths of Autistic individuals. This may include providing clear and structured communication, establishing a predictable routine, and allowing for breaks and sensory accommodations when necessary. By creating an environment that supports different styles of organisation, we can empower Autistic individuals to thrive in their own unique way.


Furthermore, organisational tools such as visual schedules, colour coding systems, and preference for clear and detailed instructions can be valuable assets for Autistic individuals in managing tasks and staying organised. These tools not only cater to different cognitive styles but also promote a sense of control and empowerment in navigating the often chaotic demands of daily life.


Self Care


Self care is fundamentally important for achieving and maintaining long term success and wellbeing. This concept holds particularly true for Autistic individuals, who often face additional challenges in navigating their day to day lives. These challenges can include managing sensory sensitivities that make certain environments overwhelming, navigating complex social interactions that can be stressful and exhausting, and coping with daily stressors (Cooper et al., 2021).


Traditionally, self care is often depicted as engaging in physical exercises, enjoying leisure time, and pursuing activities that generally promote relaxation and mental health. While these practices are essential and beneficial for overall physical and mental wellbeing, they might not always be the most effective or accessible options for Autistic individuals. This discrepancy arises because Autistic people may require specific types of activities that cater to their unique sensory and emotional needs (Cooper et al., 2021).


For Autistic individuals, effective self-care strategies might instead focus on activities that aid in sensory regulation. This can include stimming, utilising sensory tools like weighted blankets or noise cancelling headphones to create a more comfortable environment, or engaging deeply in special interests, which can provide a profound sense of joy and satisfaction. These self care practices are not merely hobbies or pastimes; they are crucial strategies for Autistic individuals to regulate their nervous system arousal levels, reduce stress and anxiety, and navigate a world that can often feel overwhelming and inaccessible.


Moreover, embracing such tailored self care practices can facilitate better understanding and acceptance of Autistic identity. By acknowledging and supporting the unique ways in which Autistic individuals find comfort and regulate their emotions, society can move towards a more inclusive understanding of self care — one that recognises the diverse needs and experiences of all individuals.


Thus, it's clear that while the traditional view of self care is beneficial, a more nuanced approach that includes activities promoting sensory regulation and engagement in special interests is vital for Autistic individuals. This approach not only supports their mental and physical health but also affirms their identity and experiences, contributing significantly to their overall wellbeing and success (Cooper et al., 2021).


Conclusion


Embracing Neurodiversity involves recognising and accommodating diverse ways of achieving success, productivity, organisation, and self care for Autistic individuals. By broadening our understanding of these concepts to include different abilities and strengths, we create an inclusive environment that empowers Autistic individuals to thrive and reach their unique potential. This shift towards inclusivity is not only a moral imperative but also a practical approach that leads to innovation and growth in society. Furthermore, promoting self care practices tailored to the sensory and emotional needs of Autistic individuals not only supports their mental and physical well-being but also affirms their identity and promotes acceptance. By embracing Neurodiversity in all aspects of life, we can create a more inclusive and equitable society for all individuals.


References


Chen, J., Cohn, E. S., & Orsmond, G. I. (2019). Parents’ future visions for their autistic transition-age youth: Hopes and expectations. Autism : The International Journal of Research and Practice23(6), 1363–1372. https://doi.org/10.1177/1362361318812141


Cooper, K., Smith, L. G. E., & Russell, A. (2017). Social identity, self‐esteem, and mental health in autism. European Journal of Social Psychology47(7), 844–854. https://doi.org/10.1002/ejsp.2297


Cooper, R., Cooper, K., Russell, A. J., & Smith, L. G. E. (2021). “I’m Proud to be a Little Bit Different”: The Effects of Autistic Individuals’ Perceptions of Autism and Autism Social Identity on Their Collective Self-esteem. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders51(2), 704–714. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10803-020-04575-4


Raymaker, D. M., Teo, A. R., Steckler, N. A., Lentz, B., Scharer, M., Delos Santos, A., Kapp, S. K., Hunter, M., Joyce, A., & Nicolaidis, C. (2020). "Having All of Your Internal Resources Exhausted Beyond Measure and Being Left with No Clean-Up Crew’’: Defining Autistic Burnout. Autism in Adulthood2(2), 132–143. https://doi.org/10.1089/aut.2019.0079


Seers, K., & Hogg, R. C. (2021). ‘You don’t look autistic’: A qualitative exploration of women’s experiences of being the ‘autistic other. Autism : The International Journal of Research and Practice25(6), 1553–1564. https://doi.org/10.1177/1362361321993722


Van Hees, V., Roeyers, H., & De Mol, J. (2018). Students with Autism Spectrum Disorder and Their Parents in the Transition into Higher Education: Impact on Dynamics in the Parent–Child Relationship. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders48(10), 3296–3310. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10803-018-3593-y


Wilson, R. B., Thompson, A. R., Rowse, G., Smith, R., Dugdale, A.-S., & Freeth, M. (2023). Autistic women’s experiences of self-compassion after receiving their diagnosis in adulthood. Autism : The International Journal of Research and Practice27(5), 1336–1347. https://doi.org/10.1177/13623613221136752

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